Musing – Falling in Love and Courting, Biblically

Hebraic Musing – Falling in Love and Courting, Biblically

If you are past this stage in life, do you know young folks who desperately need to do this right?  It has been said that “Falling in love” produces some of the most wonderful and powerful emotions we can experience, while simultaneously warping our ability to think clearly.  If you are over 21 years of age, you can relate.

First question – Who is the pursuer and who is the pursued? 
Our son-in-law, Kirk, demonstrated this principle very early in his relationship with our daughter, Beth. They were attending the same church, but Beth was dating someone else when Kirk first approached her with a question – “Beth, will you please let me know when I may court you?”  When Beth told us that, as her father, I knew there was something right and special about that young man.  He was clearly the pursuer and she was to be the ‘pursuee’.  He wanted to go about the process respectfully, and Biblically.

What awakened me to the importance of this principle in courtship was a statement made by a Christian woman who was licking her wounds after her third divorce.  Her comment was “I sure have done a poor job of picking husbands.”  Whoa!    Who was pursuing who?     

Proverbs 18:22 says  “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.”  Biblically, ‘he’ is being advised that ‘he’ is to seek and find a good wife.   Who did the choosing in 1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people,…”?  Who is more committed to the relationship?

Biblical principles are also practical.  If ‘he’ is the pursuer, then there is commitment.  If ‘she’ is the pursuer, “he” may consent out of a heavier dose of ‘lust’ rather than ‘love’.  Enough said, especially dealing with the typical “dating game” that leads to marriage ages in the teens and early twenties.  Was advice sought from parents, pastors or mature elders before it was too late?

A young, or older, man ought to be very concerned when he finds that she is chasing him.  What are her motives?  How might I find myself hooked?  How is she trying to hook me?  Where might this lead?  What would God say about this relationship?  Can He, Our LORD, go with us on our dates?

What should be the criteria for selecting a bride?   A wife?   A sweetheart? 
Consider these three CRITERIA that I have been sharing with young men, in order to get their attention:

1. Don't date a girl you wouldn't marry. This first one came from my sons, who came home from Christian colleges with this admonition drilled into them.  It always reminds me of the traditional Jewish mother that told her daughter “You do not have to marry a doctor...... Just hang around with them”.

2. Make sure the sparkle in her eye isn't the light shining through from the other side.  This second criteria came from my mother.  Hopefully, no explanation is required.

3. Pick your wife with your ears, not your eyes.  This is the most important criteria in my opinion (based on 50+ years of marriage). Unfortunately, when sharing this third criteria with groups, the younger men downplay or refuse to acknowledge the importance of this advice.  If you have been married more than five years, what do you have to say about the importance of this?  And our goal is to celebrate at least a silver anniversary.  How many years of listening does that require?  Especially when she has to get out the proverbial 10,000 words a day; compared with his 3,000 words.

The remainder of the chapter* on Dating and Courting assumes the purpose is to eventually find the appropriate partner for life – a wife.  Any other dating or meeting activity is fraught with dangers, pitfalls and/or leads toward sinful behavior.  Do I need to repeat this last thought?

Points to ponder   or   RSVP

What might happen if he and she both wait for and trust the Holy Spirit to find the right match?

Did you pursue Jesus?  Or did He come to pursue you?  Whose commitment is greater?

“You did not choose Me, but I chose you…”  John 15:16

Yosef   a.k.a.  Joe Brusherd                                      May 5, 2020

Author: “Hebraic Insights – Messages exploring the Hebrew roots of our faith” 
“Biblical Marriage (by Yosef)”   Weekly “Hebraic Musings”   

*  Excerpted from chapter 2 “Falling in Love and Courting” in “Biblical Marriage” by Yosef (me) 2012
            available from Amazon – search “Biblical Marriage Yosef”