Musing – Men Need to Learn to Love; Women…to Respect?

 Hebraic Musing – Men Need to Learn to Love; Women…to Respect?

Like many other married couples and those in ministry, we have traditionally been told that ‘Love’ and ‘Communication’ are the keys to happy marriages.  Those ‘keys’ are typically preached from a woman’s perspective!  Why?  Women sob over their marital issues, while Men rarely share their marital issues.  I’ve heard many women complain about their husband, but in 40+ years of ministry with men I have rarely heard a husband complain or say anything negative about his wife!!!  Men are respectful by nature.

Okay, what does the Bible say about this difference?  Paul said it in Eph. 5:25  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”    And again in Eph. 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Note Paul’s use of the word ‘must’.  I wonder why it says ‘must’?  Maybe “love” does not come as naturally to men?

The importance of ‘respect’ in marriage is revealed in the marketing blurb for Dr. Emerson’s book.*    “Discover the single greatest secret to a successful marriage.  Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages.  Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her.  It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find.”     

The Secret?     He must Love her;    She must Respect Him.   Here’s a powerful biblical perspective:
     Jesus loves us;    We are to respect Him.       He’s the ‘Groom’; we are the ‘bride’.

We’ve been told that the Secret to a happy marriage is Love!  But there’s been no change in divorce rate!  We’ve also been told that the key to marriage is Communication!  But we are still missing a key word – Respect!

The biblical foundation is clear; Paul never told a woman to love her husband, and he never told the man to respect his wife.  You do not have to tell someone to do something that comes naturally to them.  Paul is focusing on telling us what we need to do that is not natural for us to do. 

This revelation is key to understanding that God made man and woman to be different.  God felt man needed a “help-mate”.  “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Gen.2:18 KJV Actually they were made to have an opposing relationship!  In Hebrew the word translated “meet or mate” is neh’ghed meaning “Opposing force”.  Therefore, we each have different needs; and need each other! 

Women speak language of ‘love’;  Men speak language of ‘Respect’                

·      Women are designed to Agape love.  Think of a woman’s motherly nurturing traits.

·      He asks “Where do you want to go for dinner to celebrate our anniversary?”  She says “Wherever you want.”  So he says “How about the Route 66 Steak house”.  (Wrong answer!)  Didn’t he realize she lovingly expected him to know her preference?!?!

·      Different colored glasses!   Different color hearing aids! (If she says “I have nothing to wear”; he hears…?)

·      Ask a Man – do you ‘respect’ your wife?    Typical answer “You bet I do”
     Ask your wife if she ‘respects’ you?  Typical answer – “Well in some areas, but obviously not all”

·      Women want their husbands to love them by (a) Remembering birthdays; (b) Talk about it NOW; (c) Wanting to talk, not wanting advice; etc.  (d) Women want to talk about problems on a daily basis.

·      Men don’t want to think about it now.  “We’ll talk about that later”.  Why? They want solutions, not talk.

·      Women - Expressive responsive.   Men – Compartmentalized; thus Men are willing to die for a cause!

So, what is the wife’s ideal view of her husband? – “Her husband is respected at the city gate, …” Prov.31:23

Points to ponder   or   RSVP

Men, do you need her opposing view sometimes?
Men, why does the word “Love” appear 509 times in the Bible written primarily to men?

Do you sometimes find yourself in the ‘crazy circle’, wondering what happened?

♫ What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of…♫

Yosef   a.k.a.  Joe Brusherd                                    August 27,2024
Author: “Hebraic Insights – Messages exploring the Hebrew roots of our faith” 
“Biblical Marriage (by Yosef)”   Weekly “Hebraic Musings”

*   Inspiration from “LOVE and RESPECT” by Emerson Eggerichs.   I’ve listened to his audio(s) many times,
      most important message I have ever heard.  It has enriched both of my marriage.

 Hebraic Musing - How do we get “Unity” with “One Another”?

The phrase “one another” appears 56 times in the NIV; 80 times in the NKJV and 93 times in the ESV.  Are we called to judge one another, or to love one another?  The NKJV tells us to “love one another” 12 times.  

Many will emphatically say we should not judge because the Bible clearly tell us “Judge not, that you be not judged.” Matthew 7:1 NKJV   If that is taken as an absolute command, it will not lead to greater love, but instead it will lead to a kind of moral anemia.  Could you imagine Christ walking mildly by the moneychangers in the temple and saying to himself, “Oh well, I must not judge”?  No, he drove them out with a whip and overturned their tables.  He was consumed by zeal for God's house (John 2:13-17).  He was inflamed by the moral indignation that human beings can stoop to in their sin. 

To be Spiritually discerning, we must make some judgments to discern the truth.  “Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” Matthew 7:20  The bottom line is – We are called upon to be both loving and discerning.  “The simple believes every word, But the prudent considers well his steps.” Proverbs.14:15   And “Test all things; hold fast what is good.” 1 Thessalonians 5:21

We are called to Walk in Unity.

Paul reminds us with his personal testimony which applies to each of us.  “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.” Ephesians 4:1-6 NKJV   Finally, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”  Ephesians 4:32

Can we achieve our goal of unity if we become overly judgmental?  “Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.”  Romans 15:5-7   But His Holy Spirit does still remind us of our sins!

Our goal in the family of God is to bring back the erring Brother/Sister.

Which is more important?  Winning an argument or bringing back the erring Brother/Sister?  “Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.” James 5:19-20

How then should we live?

Can we be like-minded if one party is believing or promoting sinfulness?  Paul answered that in Colossians.   “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.” Colossians 3:12-14    
And let’s remember ♫ We are one in the Spirit, We are one in the Lord. And we pray that all unity May one day be restored. ♫    
In other words, do not judge, but instead we should ♫ “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” ♫ James 4:10 

Points to ponder

How can we foster unity in the body with so many differing denominations?

Is there a difference between judging and discerning?  Which is more loving?

Does “Unity” mean we are all to think alike?

Does our church and our nation need more “Unity” and love for “One Another”?

BTW, You are one of my “One Anothers”

Yosef   a.k.a.  Joe Brusherd       August 20, 2024
Author: “Hebraic Insights – Messages exploring the Hebrew roots of Christian Faith”
“Biblical Marriage (by Yosef)”     Weekly “Hebraic Musings”

Musing – What does being “Born Again” really involve?

 Hebraic Musing – What does being “Born Again” really involve?

If you ask the man on the street if he wants to go to heaven, the typical answer is an emphatic “Yes!”  But what did Jesus say is required to enjoy the “Kingdom of God”?   “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3 NKJV   And we remember how that answer confused Nicodemus trying to imagine being born again while being in his full-grown body.  What are some similarities between being “Born Again” spiritually and what we went through when we were born the first time? 

What does a new-born baby require in order to grow up and mature?

·         A newborn needs to be fed, in fact they are searching for the nipple right away!

·         Newborns need their diaper changed with some frequency.  And it takes a few years before they learn to control themselves and keep themselves clean.

·         Babies don’t know how to speak or express themselves except to cry out.  Eventually, as youths, they grow from single words to full sentences.

·         Babies need to be bathed.  Despite their relative innocence, they get dirty.

·         As toddlers, they enjoy running and playing and physical activities, having fun and staying fit as they grow-up physically, emotionally and mentally.

·         And being a typical boy growing up, I did need discipline and did get quite a few spankings.

·         And unique giftings become clearer as the child matures.  Personalities and special interests develop!

When one becomes “Born Again”, what does one need to do to grow as a saved, mature, useful Christian?

·         When I was ‘born again’ I didn’t even know what those word meant (like Nicodemus)!  I needed to be fed God’s word, and I was learning from scratch!  I was searching desperately to be fed to learn more.

·         I had a lot of dirty habits that required changing.  And I’m still struggling to keep myself clean and to control myself.

·         When I was born again, I didn’t know how to explain what happened to me.  I needed to learn to speak “Christian” and how to express myself in prayer and how to use and quote God’s Holy Word.

·         When I was a 6 year old Christian I was teaching a class of youths on the need for the cleansing of Baptism and they challenged me – “Pa Brush, have you been baptized”.  My answer – “No, but I will this afternoon, with you!”  I too needed to be bathed!

·         I was immediately submitted to a weekly accountability group and enjoyed sharing the Christian books that I read each week.  After a year, Jesus confronted me – “Joe, you are reading books about Me; why don’t you read My Book?”  So, for the next five years I read nothing but the Bible, His Book; and thus I grew up Spiritually. And learned to enjoy life and stay Spiritually fit.

·         I find that My LORD Jesus and His Holy Spirit (the Hound of Heaven) still has to discipline me by pointing out my failures along with deserved circumstantial spankings.

·         When does one really become a grown-up, mature Christian?  Even at my age, I’m still learning, sharing, using and enjoying the unique giftings that Father God has bestowed on me.

How have you grown since the day you were “Born Again”?

Points to ponder

When does the newborn stop growing?

When should “Born Again” Christians stop growing?

♫  Where He leads me I will follow, I'll go with Him, with Him all the way. ♫

Yosef   a.k.a.  Joe Brusherd      August 13, 2024

Author: “Hebraic Insights – Messages exploring the Hebrew roots of Christian Faith”
“Biblical Marriage (by Yosef)”     Weekly “Hebraic Musings”

Musing – Why don't we dress up for Church Anymore?

 Hebraic Musing – Why don't we dress up for Church Anymore?

A recent article by a Catholic bishop bemoaned the attire of congregants at Sunday mass.  It seems he objected to cut-off jeans and provocative "Hooter" tee shirts worn to Sunday mass.  And he even observed a bikini top!  And a Budweiser ‘tee-shirt’!  My observations at other Christian churches tell me that it is not just a Catholic phenomenon but a universal sign of the times.

To justify the current trend, someone once told me that "God loves me just the way I am" and the famous altar call song says "Come as you are...".   Is there, or should there be, a difference between someone coming to or returning to the Lord for their first time; versus someone who has known Him for years and should have grown to more fully appreciate who He is and what He can do, has done and will be doing.

When the Chosen People were crossing the desert God started to reveal Himself slowly.  God had to live in a seal-skin tent and could see only one member of His beloved creation only once a year, how did that high priest dress up before coming to see Almighty God in the Tabernacle?  “Make the robe of the ephod entirely of blue cloth, with an opening for the head in its center. There shall be a woven edge like a collar around this opening, so that it will not tear. Make pomegranates of blue, purple and scarlet yarn around the hem of the robe, with gold bells between them.  The gold bells and the pomegranates are to alternate around the hem of the robe. Aaron must wear it when he ministers.  Exod.28:31-35 NIV

Why did God give so many instructions to His priests regarding a dress code when ministering in the tabernacle?  And Peter called us to be priests in 1 Peter 2:9 "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God,…"

When salesmen call on buyers or when businessmen meet on special occasions, why do they wear three piece suits?  A – They want to show their respect for the person they are meeting, and they hope to be respected because they have shown respect.  How would one dress when going to meet the king?  Or going to meet the King of kings and Lord of lords?

When I grew up, we donned our "Sunday best" to go to church and then changed to play clothes afterward.  Does all this mean that going to church is no longer an important Sunday event?

Points to ponder

Is stopping off at church on your way to the beach
an excuse for wearing beach togs to church?

Or, is going to church the main event on Sunday?

Or, am I being too ‘stuffy’?  What do you think?

Remember back in the days when we used to wear “our Sunday best” to church?

Yosef   a.k.a.  Joe Brusherd      August 6, 2024

Author: “Hebraic Insights – Messages exploring the Hebrew roots of Christian Faith”
“Biblical Marriage (by Yosef)”       Weekly “Hebraic Musings”

Note – A re-published Musing “Why do we dress up for Church?” from September 12, 2011