Musing – Men Need to Learn to Love; Women…to Respect?

 Hebraic Musing – Men Need to Learn to Love; Women…to Respect?

Like many other married couples and those in ministry, we have traditionally been told that ‘Love’ and ‘Communication’ are the keys to happy marriages.  Those ‘keys’ are typically preached from a woman’s perspective!  Why?  Women sob over their marital issues, while Men rarely share their marital issues.  I’ve heard many women complain about their husband, but in 40+ years of ministry with men I have rarely heard a husband complain or say anything negative about his wife!!!  Men are respectful by nature.

Okay, what does the Bible say about this difference?  Paul said it in Eph. 5:25  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”    And again in Eph. 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Note Paul’s use of the word ‘must’.  I wonder why it says ‘must’?  Maybe “love” does not come as naturally to men?

The importance of ‘respect’ in marriage is revealed in the marketing blurb for Dr. Emerson’s book.*    “Discover the single greatest secret to a successful marriage.  Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages.  Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her.  It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find.”     

The Secret?     He must Love her;    She must Respect Him.   Here’s a powerful biblical perspective:
     Jesus loves us;    We are to respect Him.       He’s the ‘Groom’; we are the ‘bride’.

We’ve been told that the Secret to a happy marriage is Love!  But there’s been no change in divorce rate!  We’ve also been told that the key to marriage is Communication!  But we are still missing a key word – Respect!

The biblical foundation is clear; Paul never told a woman to love her husband, and he never told the man to respect his wife.  You do not have to tell someone to do something that comes naturally to them.  Paul is focusing on telling us what we need to do that is not natural for us to do. 

This revelation is key to understanding that God made man and woman to be different.  God felt man needed a “help-mate”.  “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Gen.2:18 KJV Actually they were made to have an opposing relationship!  In Hebrew the word translated “meet or mate” is neh’ghed meaning “Opposing force”.  Therefore, we each have different needs; and need each other! 

Women speak language of ‘love’;  Men speak language of ‘Respect’                

·      Women are designed to Agape love.  Think of a woman’s motherly nurturing traits.

·      He asks “Where do you want to go for dinner to celebrate our anniversary?”  She says “Wherever you want.”  So he says “How about the Route 66 Steak house”.  (Wrong answer!)  Didn’t he realize she lovingly expected him to know her preference?!?!

·      Different colored glasses!   Different color hearing aids! (If she says “I have nothing to wear”; he hears…?)

·      Ask a Man – do you ‘respect’ your wife?    Typical answer “You bet I do”
     Ask your wife if she ‘respects’ you?  Typical answer – “Well in some areas, but obviously not all”

·      Women want their husbands to love them by (a) Remembering birthdays; (b) Talk about it NOW; (c) Wanting to talk, not wanting advice; etc.  (d) Women want to talk about problems on a daily basis.

·      Men don’t want to think about it now.  “We’ll talk about that later”.  Why? They want solutions, not talk.

·      Women - Expressive responsive.   Men – Compartmentalized; thus Men are willing to die for a cause!

So, what is the wife’s ideal view of her husband? – “Her husband is respected at the city gate, …” Prov.31:23

Points to ponder   or   RSVP

Men, do you need her opposing view sometimes?
Men, why does the word “Love” appear 509 times in the Bible written primarily to men?

Do you sometimes find yourself in the ‘crazy circle’, wondering what happened?

♫ What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of…♫

Yosef   a.k.a.  Joe Brusherd                                    August 27,2024
Author: “Hebraic Insights – Messages exploring the Hebrew roots of our faith” 
“Biblical Marriage (by Yosef)”   Weekly “Hebraic Musings”

*   Inspiration from “LOVE and RESPECT” by Emerson Eggerichs.   I’ve listened to his audio(s) many times,
      most important message I have ever heard.  It has enriched both of my marriage.