Musing – Why do we always have to be right?

Hebraic Musing – Why do we always have to be right?

There is a story of a Rabbi teaching his students about life issues.  He asked a seemingly simple question – “What is the difference between adults and children?”  The students responded as you would expect with answers having to do with maturity, knowledge, experiences, etc. of adults vs. the silliness and childish behaviors of children.

So the Rabbi’s answer surprised the students.  He did not praise the adults, but had praise for the children!  His answer instead taught that adults hold grudges while children don’t.

Have you ever seen parents deal with their children after their children have been involved with a fight with playmates?  The parents get all upset with the other child’s parents, confront them and domestic abuse is about to break out.  Meanwhile the children are back happily playing with one another.  The children are more concerned with being happy, kind and having friends than they are with being right or winning the argument they had 10 minutes ago.

My classic “adult behavior” model came from a boss years ago who said proudly of his nationality – “We can hold a grudge for a life-time” as he fought a prolonged legal battle. 

Adults can go through life holding grudges for years.  Rabbi Eckstein’s examples:  

A child can tell his mother that he hates her and then 10 minutes later decide that she is the best mother in the world. On the other hand, if an adult tells you that he or she is no longer speaking with you, chances are 15 years later you are still not on speaking terms with that person. Adults can host a wedding for their child and not invite someone who was once their closest friend because of something that happened years ago.

So the rabbi followed up with another question for his students.  “Why is it that ‘mature’ adults keep grudges while ‘silly’ children are able to let go?”  Obviously children are quick to choose being happy over being right; meanwhile “mature” adults choose being right over being happy.

Could this be why Solomon wrote Proverb 26:12  “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?  There is more hope for a fool than for him.” And the Torah said it all in Leviticus 19:18  "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” 

 We “mature” adults have learned to “stick to our guns” (end sarcastic font).

Is there someone in our lives to whom we owe an apology?  Or someone to whom we need to “Kiss and make up”?

Points to ponder

Why is it difficult to choose to be Happy over being Right?

Does our need to be right interfere with relationships
at home, at work or with extended family?

“But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God;
may they be happy and joyful. Ps 68:3

Let’s learn to be kind instead of having to be right.
And Shalom Aleichem will be the result

Yosef   a.k.a.  Joe Brusherd                                   July 19, 2016

Author: “Hebraic Insights – Messages exploring the Hebrew roots of our faith” 
“Biblical Marriage” “Musings - A Victorious Life”  “Musings - The Torah and New Testament”
Weekly “Hebraic Musings”      www.InsightsByYosef.com

Inspired by Rabbi Eckstein’s “Choose to Be Happy Over Being Right” July 6, 2016