Hebraic Musing – Why do Men Hate Going to Church?*
“Church is
boring.” “It’s irrelevant.” “It’s full of hypocrites.” I’ll bet you’ve heard men say that. Have you ever walked into a church and
silently asked yourself – Where are all the men? Yet the presence of enthusiastic men is one
of the best predictors of church health, growth, giving, and expansion. Women comprise more than 60% of the adults in
a typical worship service in America. Even
though the “Leader” is typically a man, most of the congregation are women who
are more likely to volunteer and be involved in church activities. The men pray less, share their faith less, and
read the Bible less, and participate less! Might this be because the men perceive the
church’s presentation of the Gospel to be for a “relational” and “nurturing”
congregation. Could the church’s warm and
fuzzy presentation make the more “goal-driven” and “competitive” men
uncomfortable? Are churches doing a
better job of attracting the women? How might that be?
Music: Men don’t want unfamiliar, hard
to sing songs in a higher pitch and/or slow, soft tones. Men relate to songs from the Bible like ‘Thy
Word is a lamp…’ or ‘I will call upon the Lord…’ or ‘As the deer pants for the
water, so my soul…’. Men especially
like upbeat marching songs with gusto - ‘A Mighty Fortress’, ‘Rise Up O Men
of God’, ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’, ‘There is Power in the Blood’, ‘Standing
on the promises’, etc.
Décor: The
typical church is decorated by the women and thus we typically see indoor
colors – Whites, Pastels and Blue tones.
In contrast, Men are outdoorsmen and prefer earth tones! Décor in a local church was intentionally
done in earth tones; in fact, they meet on Sunday in a Gymnasium with
basketball hoops and game striping on the floors and the theme is brown earth
tones! They praise God from a basketball
court! BTW, this gymnasium also serves
the school that meets in the building (and pays a share of the building costs!)
Men and Women have differing needs:
The book “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs explains how Women are
seekers of Love, whereas Men are seekers of Respect. Meanwhile, the consistent theme of ministry and
songs and preachings stresses the Love of God. The wife wants love, but that’s not
what the husband really wants; he wants Respect! Why does the Bible have to remind us twice of
what does not come naturally? “However,
each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the
wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 NIV God has to remind us again in Colossians
3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” BTW - Titus 2 also has messages about the
differing needs of men and women.
Contrasts and
differences: Women are fascinated by the things of men;
and thus we now find women playing in more and more contact sports. But men are repelled by the things of women. Solution – Find opportunities for Men to Gather Without Women Around.
Does the “Nurturing” tendency of Women lead to Liberal views in economics
and social welfare, tolerance and rights, civility, gay rights, etc.? While Women are caring prayer warriors; Men
are more “Do it yourself” types.
Men and Relationships: Relationships
scare a man to death, but they are his deepest need. Meanwhile, the themes of church messages are
about relationships based on love, which appeal to the Women! Men
don’t usually use the word “relationships” about other men. Women bond by
talking face-to-face, whereas men bond when working side by side.
Since men fellowship by working together, let’s do ministry
shoulder to shoulder; let’s do Athletic events, Men’s sport events, Hunting,
Shooting, etc.
Messages, sermons, etc.: When writing liturgy
and prayers and sermons, let’s think “How would a guy like a bricklayer, a
farmer, a mechanic, or a line worker hear this?” Ideally, can the message be delivered in three
8-10 minute-mini-messages, allowing time to process? Forty minutes is a long time for a man to sit
still!
Mentoring/discipling
of Men and their Faith: Christian faith is more caught than taught. Christian faith passes from man to man among
male mentors, male friends, and (ideally) fathers. Jesus personally discipled twelve men; Paul
always took Barnabas, Silas, or Timothy along on his journeys; Moses mentored
Joshua; Elijah mentored Elisha; Older Men mentor younger men! Sunday school tip – Separate genders and use men
or boy-friendly curriculum and object lessons.
How did Jesus work with Men? He gathered a handful of common men and welded
them into a team; AND He changed the world with them. How was Jesus able to take a dozen scrubs and
turn them into stars? He called a finite
number of men into his inner circle AND He took personal responsibility for
their growth. He became thoroughly
involved in their lives for a period of time.
Their development was his top priority.
He saw these men as his earthly legacy. Then, once they were ready, He sent them out
to do as he did. In other words,
Jesus served as a spiritual father to the Twelve. Should this also be the role of the men in our
church fellowships?
Points to Ponder
Who
are you mentoring or discipling? Who’s
discipling you?
How
can your church be more respectful, attractive and appealing to the needs of
men?
God
told Joshua five times to be “Strong and Courageous”? What’s God telling you?
♫ Onward Christian soldiers! Marching as to war, With
the cross of Jesus, Going on before.. ♫
Yosef a.k.a.
Joe Brusherd May
13, 2025
Author: “Hebraic Insights – Messages
exploring the Hebrew roots of our faith”
“Biblical Marriage (by Yosef)” Weekly “Hebraic Musings”
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