Hebraic Musing – Can
grieving be a good thing?
I’ve been
puzzled since March 10th when my wife left me for the Perfect
Husband. Traditional teachings say I should be going through five to ten stages
of a grieving process. So why is it I am not devastated by this most major
loss? Yet many Christians think the Bible says “Grieve Not” in 1 Thess.4:13;
but the whole verse is – But we do not
want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you
will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. NASB.
A dear friend
sent me to the book Good Grief by
Granger Westberg; and after reading it, I am now surprisingly convinced that
grieving can be a good thing. The author
states that as a result of good grieving “we come out of our grief experience at
a slightly higher level of maturity than before.” In my case, I’m amazed at the higher level of
maturity. Let me share some of my very personal reactions to each of the
author’s ten stages of grief:
Stage 1. State of Shock – No shock experienced
because, graciously, we could see it coming.[1]
Stage 2. Expressing Emotion – I am a man and I
have cried and still cry. Why not – I do miss her.
Stage 3. Feeling Depressed and Lonely – I’m not
alone. I have dear friends and family ‘just being there’.[2]
Stage 4. Experiencing Physical Symptoms of Distress
– Avoiding debilitating distress by accepting that things will have to change;
and not wallowing in depression or disappointment.
Stage 5. Becoming Panicky – Fear of the unknown
will cause panic, but I know where she is. However, I am uneasy as it becomes
obvious that my future will be different, and I don’t know what that is yet.
Stage 6. Sense of Guilt – Were there things I
should have done different? Maybe. But introspection says we did what we
lovingly thought best. An interesting example of guilt – my father died
suddenly one evening and my mother regretted for years that the last meal she
gave him was only a bowl of chili. She’s forgiven!
Stage 7. Anger and Resentment – Typically the
reaction is ‘why did this have to happen to me?’ I am comforted in my faith that God is
sovereign, so I can and will leave this event in His hands.
Stage 8. Resisting Returning – People try to help
by not mentioning PeggyMom for fear of stirring up the grief cycle, but
actually it is healthy to acknowledge her quirks and uniqueness that made her
special. Comments about her help keep her memory alive and lovingly show a
shared burden.
Stage 9. Hope Comes Through – With family around
I am finding that other experiences and relationships in life are still very meaningful.
After all, Jesus tells Christians to look forward, not backward.
Stage 10. Struggling to Affirm Reality – Over the
years, the many losses we have survived and the growth we experienced losing a
10 month old daughter and being with loved ones suffering tragedies had already
molded me into a different person. My faith in the sovereignty of Almighty God
has grown with each of the past tragedies. Yet it is now clear that the best is
yet to come. The future is still exciting, although unknown.
Point to Ponder
We
have all suffered many losses in life,
so how can proper grieving strengthen us instead of debilitating us?
so how can proper grieving strengthen us instead of debilitating us?
Shalom
Aleichem
Yosef a.k.a. Joe Brusherd July 10, 2012
Author “Hebraic Insights – 95 messages exploring the Hebrew Roots of
Christian faith”
Author “Biblical Marriage” (published
June 2012)
Weekly e-mails “Hebraic Musings” blogging
available at www.InsightsByYosef.com
To be added to distribution -- Yosef1@cox.net
To be added to distribution -- Yosef1@cox.net
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